


Drunk and Disorderly

by DHW



Series: GrangerSnape100 [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: grangersnape100, F/M, Humor, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 14:58:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7272751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DHW/pseuds/DHW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Very sweary. And quite rude. Sweary and Rude. Like a night out in Liverpool.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk and Disorderly

**Author's Note:**

> **Challenge:** Interrogation
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine. They belong to JKR (good thing really, as she does take much better care of them than I would).

\----

 

‘One am. New record. I take it it’s Romserta’s day off then, if you made it to kicking out time.’

‘Fuck off.’

‘You’re such a charming man, aren’t you Severus?’

‘I try.’

‘You’re drunk.’

‘And your observational skills never fail to amaze me. Bravo, Hermione. Did you want something in particular? Only, I’m rather wankered at the minute and I don’t know which one of you to glare at.’

‘Not particularly. Just alleviating the sense of crushing boredom one experiences when alone in the staffroom with nothing but first-year essays for company. A bottle of wine only goes so far.’

\-----

‘Oh well that’s nice. That’s friendship right there, that is. No friendly hello. No, ‘how are you this evening, Severus?’ ‘Oh I’m tickety-fucking-boo, thanks. Yourself?’ I feel like the human equivalent of a dancing fucking bear.’

‘No need to be facetious. Here. I made you toast. The packaging said Thick Cut. Reminded me of you.’ 

‘Rude.’

‘Accurate. It’ll be cold, by the way. You were back later than I expected.’

‘So you were waiting up for me then? Mooning over me like one of your love-struck sixth years. Oh, Hermione, I feel so special. Ow! That hurt, you daft bint.’

\-----

‘Don’t be such a pussy! It was a cushion, not a brick. Besides, it’s not like I intended to hit you in the face. You know my aim is crap.’

‘No shit.’

‘Anyway, if you weren’t so drunk, maybe you’d have had the wits to move out the way quicker.’

‘Don’t blame me for your own inadequacies. And stop avoiding my question. Were you waiting up for me?’

‘Alright, fine! Yes, I was waiting up for you. Happy?’

‘Ecstatic. It’s nice to know you care.’

‘Don’t flatter yourself. I just wanted to make sure you came back in one piece.’

\-----

‘Well here I am. Pissed but otherwise perfect.’

‘I wouldn’t go that far. You leave a lot to be desired.’

‘And on that lovely note, I’m off to bed. Personally, all this booze makes me a bit randy. Might have a crafty wank first. Fancy giving me a hand?’

‘Are you being serious?’

‘Deadly. And you have yet to give me a present.’

‘It’s only been your birthday for one hour.’

‘And?’

‘Fine. If it makes you happy. But don’t expect me to make you breakfast in bed.’ 

‘I knew there was a reason I married you.’

‘Love you too.’


End file.
